brandonglee123's C Skit Theater!
by brandonglee123
Summary: Because making skits about the game is SO cliche. Now with 300% more spoilers!
1. Let us begin with a bad reference

Okay, I finally decided to type my C-Skit Theater. But apparently, I was beat to the spot, and Kitty-Katz-Katz or something like that beat me to make one of these! Darn it! Well, I snooze, I lose. Anyway, I'm hoping that this will be more popular than hers, but we'll just have to wait.

Anyway, I am going to copy the EXACT style of writing as TwilightScribe. She didn't have a problem with this, so yeah.

Anyway, get ready for funny stuff. Please don't read this if you haven't beaten the game yet. And gotten at least the good ending. And maybe the bad ending too. I don't know what I'm going to type.

Disclaimer: Namco owns all rights to game. TwilightScribe owns writing/typing style. Kitty Katz Katz person gets rights to this, and she agreed to let me type my own, so there's no problem there. All ideas in this skit belong to me unless typed otherwise.

Anyway, I better start out with something funny to attract the audience…

This plays in the beginning of the game when Emil and Richter are heading towards Lake Sinoa Cave thingy. You also had to play the previous game and hear all of the Cruxis people saying "Hmmm… I see the resemblance." to Lloyd. Emil is normal, and Richter is **bold**.

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**So you're Emil, correct?**

Ummm… Uhhh…

**Speak with some confidence!**

Yes! I a-am…

**Are you sure? (aside) Is this Aster? There's no way the similarity could be this close… but Ratatosk…**

Yes, I am E-Emil…

**Hmmm… I see the resemblance…**

What?

**Nothing.**

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Well, there's my first chapter. I got some more too, so just skip to the next chapter!

By the way, please review. We can beat out all of the other C-skit theaters if we try! =D


	2. Ignoring Ehmule

Hurray for Chapter 2! Here we go!

This plays after you see the skit "Eh-mule". Emil is normal, Marta is **bold, **and Tenebrae is _italics._

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So about this RATATOSK person…

_He actually said it correctly this time. I am completely surprised._

**Don't make fun of Emil! He's trying his best, okay?!?**

Oh, i-it's okay. Really.

**NO IT'S NOT!**

_Lady Marta, it's really not that much of a big deal…_

**No one insults MY prince!**

(aside) I think they're ignoring me on purpose. *sweatdrop*

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…There's chapter 2. Plz R&R.

Well, that was short.


	3. Colette Confesses her Love

Okay, chapter 3. I hope these get funnier soon.

This plays after you've seen "Lloyd confesses his love" from TOS 1 and you have Lloyd rejoin your party in the Cape Fortress. Genis is normal, Colette is **bold, **Lloyd is _italics, _Emil is underlined, and Marta is **bold and underlined.**

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Hey Lloyd! What's up?

…

Darn it. Hey Colette, trying telling Lloyd you love him.

**Why?**

Just do it.

**Okay… Lloyd, I love you!**

…_I have nothing to say to either of you._

Ouch.

So how was that supposed to work again?

Well, you see, we tried having Lloyd saying that he loved Colette to awaken her from her angel state 2 years ago. It didn't work, but I was kind of hoping it to work now.

**That's so romantic! *heart***

But it's not that romantic if both of them rejected each other…

**I guess that's true. Hey Emil?**

Yes Marta?

**Tell me you love me. *puppy dog eyes***

Ummm… Heh heh… Ummm… Well Marta…

**Emil, why are you hesistating?**

And history repeats itself once again. *sweatdrop*

**I don't get it.**

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Yay! Chapter 3! Now if I can just get to Chapter 10, I can finally type a funnier skit! (cause I plan to put better ones on tens.) This might take a while. -_-


	4. Secret Secrecy

YES! THREE REVIEWS!!! My C-Skit Theater is taking off! Thanks to the three reviewers who I don't feel like putting the names of here. Anyway, here's Chapter 4.

Disclaimer: I STILL don't own anything except the idea of this skit. No one can own my imagination!!!

Anyway, this occurs before you reach the Otherworldly Gate. Zelos is normal, Genis is **bold, **Regal is _italicized, _Lloyd is underlined, and Colette is **bold and underlined.**

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Well, it's great for all of us to finally be together again. I'm surprised since Lloyd ignored us during the whole beginning of our journey: Part Dos.

**Yeah, Lloyd. You had this weird sort of mystery that just hung around you.**

_Can you explain this secrecy that you had?_

Yeah. Why did you ignore us bud?

…Well, that's a secret too.

**Secret secrecy?**

**I didn't think Lloyd was smart enough to be all "secret-y".**

Shut up. *squiggly line*

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There we go. Please review! =D


	5. 21 Lives

And here's Chapter 5. My sister REALLY hates Marta, so this chapter is dedicated to her hate. And then no more. She doesn't deserve more than one chapter dedicated to her. She's a mean sister.

This plays after you see Marta being "killed" by Richter in the Temple of Ice. Emil is normal, Marta is **bold, **and Regal is _italicized._

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M-Marta, y-you're alive!

**Yeah, I am. I'm really sorry for worrying you like that. Thanks for the concern though. *blush***

_Yes, it would have been very inconvenient for Emil if you died. He probably would've blamed himself, or at least Ratatosk mode Emil would have._

Then again, now that I think about it, if Marta had died, couldn't we have just brought her back to life with a life bottle? I mean, this moment really wouldn't have been so dramatic if we had just thought about that…

**What? You're so mean Emil! You completely ruined the moment! [leaves]**

W-What did I say?

_Some women appreciate concern from their loved ones, Emil. You'll learn that soon enough._

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And with that, the chapter finishes. I was actually considering putting Ratatosk Emil in here, but it just didn't seem to fit with the plot. Or was he like this during this part of the game? I really don't remember. REVIEW! XD


	6. Life Bottles Solve EVERYTHING!

We now have 6 chapters in this story. Unfortunately, 6 isn't really a special number, unlike 5, 7, 10, or even 2. Boo hoo. Let's see what I can pull from my brain this time…

This plays after you've been past the part where you figure out that Emil may actually be Aster, and Richter is trying to make a pact with the demons to bring Aster back to life, so probably near the end of the game somewhere. You also had to have seen the skit before this, "21 Lives". Emil is normal, and Raine is **bold.**

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Hey Raine?

**Yes Emil?**

I wanted to ask you a question.

**What is it?**

Isn't it possible to stop Richter from making the pact with the demons by just bringing Aster back to life with a life bottle?

**NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!**

W-W-W-Why not? (aside) That was scary.

**Well, I was really hoping that the answer wouldn't have been that simple…**

…Is that really the real reason?

…**And we're running low on Gald right now.**

…

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Hurray! Chapter 6 is completed! And that's all folks. Till chapter 7!


	7. What are the Odds?

Time for chapter 7. It's a lucky number, so I've decided to make this chapter with "luck" in mind. Enjoy!

Okay, this plays anytime in the game if you happen to have 20 Lottery Gels in your inventory. You'll probably also see this skit near the end of the game. Sheena is normal, Lloyd is **bold, **Emil is _italics, _Genis is underlined, Marta is **bold and underlined, **Raine is _**bold and italics, **_Zelos is _italics and underlined,_ and Colette is _**bold, italics, and underlined.**_

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Okay, are you ready? Get set… G-

_**[Enters] What are you all doing?**_

**Hi Professor! We're having the First Annual Lottery Gel Eating Contest!**

_**The First WHAT?**_

_Well, we had a TON of lottery gels, so we decided to have a contest._

Basically, whoever can eat the most lottery gels without getting beyond medically injured wins!

**I'm here to heal THOSE people.**

And I'm the judge.

_**Do you really have nothing else to do in your free time?**_

_Yep._

Pretty much.

_**Sigh… Why are you here Emil?**_

_Errr… It sounded fun?_

Is everyone ready? Okay, everyone's going to eat ONE lottery gel at the same time. Whoever gets seriously injured, poisoned, petrified, or whatever bad effects these things do happens to them is out. Got it? Last one standing wins!

**Let's start!**

Okay, on my count! 3, 2, 1, G-

_**[Enters] What are you guys do- whoa! *trips***_

_C-Colette?_

_No way!_

_**Are you feeling alright?**_

_**Yeah, why?**_

**Y-You just swallowed ALL of the lottery gels that we had at the same time!**

_**I did? Oh, I'm sorry!**_

**Wait a sec, she actually seems to be okay…**

Hey, you're right! I guess Colette wins!

_**What did I win?**_

_E-Errr, we'll explain later._

_**What are the odds? *sweatdrop***_

Actually sis, the odds of eating all of those lottery gels at the same time and not being harmed is-

**Genis, shut up… *sweatdrop***

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I'm surprised! I actually got 8 characters on screen at the same time! That's the max number of characters you can do with this format of writing! Yay! Oh, and please review. You know you want to.


	8. Masquerade

Who's ready for Chapter 8? Anybody? Fine. Be that way! We're almost at Chapter 10!

Disclaimer: Still own nothing.

This plays after you collect all three of Lloyd's masks. Emil is normal, Lloyd is _italics, _and Marta is **bold.**

---------------

Hey Lloyd?

_Yeah?_

Why do you always wear a mask whenever we see you?

_What mask?_

These… *shows all masks*

_Have you been collecting those?_

N-No, of course not! We just…pick them up whenever we see them?

_So, you've been COLLECTING all of my masks that I leave behind? What are you, a fan boy or something?_

**Whose fault is this, Emil's for picking them up, or YOUR'S for not securing your masks on very tightly?**

…

T-Thanks Marta…

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Ever think it was weird that we ALWAYS find a mask whenever we see Lloyd appear and mysteriously disappear? Exactly.


	9. The Dense Irony of it All

Sorry guys. I had a LITTLE bit of writer's block for the last 2 days, so I wasn't able to post another chapter. Good news? I released 8, 9, and 10 at the same time. Hope that makes up or something like that. Okay, what should I write about this time?

This plays after you've been through the Iselia Human Ranch and did that part where you shot monsters with the Sorceror's ring to get them to run into those electrical fences. Marta is normal, Emil is **bold, **and Tenebrae is _italics._

---------------

Hey, didn't you think it was kind of funny to see the monsters running into those electrical fields for us?

_Yes, I did believe that it was incredibly dumb of them for them to run into something painful just because they were angry at us._

**Well, wouldn't YOU charge at someone if THEY hit you with something?**

_Of course! But at least I would look and see if there was a wall in between me and my opponent!_

Yeah, you'd have to be pretty dense to walk right into a- *bonk*

_Lady Marta, are you alright?_

**You just walked right into that wall!**

…No one EVER speaks of this again.

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3 strikes and you're out Marta! Hahahaha… Wait. That didn't make any sense…


	10. Voice Actor Rant

And now, the moment you've all been waiting for… CHAPTER TEN!!! I just want to thank everybody who's supported my new theater so far. So, without further ado, here's Chapter 10!

Okay, just to satisfy all of those people out there who stare at these stories analytically, there will be Kratos in this skit. I don't know how, but he is, so it's probably sometime after the game.

Anyway, this plays post-game. Lloyd is normal, Kratos is **bold, **Raine is _italics, _Sheena is underlined, and Genis is **bold and underlined.**

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**Finally, back from floating around in desolate space after so many years…**

DAD?!? Is that you?

**Hello Lloyd, it's glad to be- Wait a second… What happened to your voice?**

Nothing happened to my voice! I'm still the same!

**Nope… Your voice DEFINITELY changed…**

_Really? Because I don't think his voice changed at all…_

**Your voice changed too! Why is your voice lower-pitched?**

_Is that an insult? *angry anime mark*_

Now, now Raine… I'm sure he didn't mean it THAT way…

**And you! Your voice changed too, but I'm not sure how it happened… This is what happens when I leave for 2 years?**

**So, why do you suppose that is?**

Maybe it's puberty.

_But I'm 25 years old! *squiggly line*_

**It's as if, excuse my analogy, you are all voiced by other people like characters in a movie or a video game, and your voice actors were changed!**

…

…

…

…

…**What?**

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YES! I DID IT!!! I ALWAYS wanted to put a skit about their stupid voice changes, and I did it! REVIEW PLEASE!


	11. Lemon Intolerant

I KNOW I HAVEN'T BEEN WRITING CHAPTERS FOR A WHILE!!! DON'T RUB IT IN!!! Anyway, I'm sorry for not posting for a while. It had something to do with my huge finals that I had for school (my mom wouldn't let me on the computer. She can't force me to study! NEVER!!!). Anyway, I'll try to post some new chapters up. Let's begin.

NEW: Also, I am now taking SKIT SUGGESTIONS. You can either "review" me an idea or take the poll in my profile once I figure out how.

Disclaimer: …You know.

This happens when you have used 20 lemon gels in one battle on Emil (dunno how THAT happened). Raine is normal, Emil is **bold, **and Marta is _italics._

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_Emil, are you hurt?_

**No, I-I'm fine. Really.**

_But you have cuts all over your body!_

She has a point Emil. [rummages through bag] Here.

**A l-lemon gel?**

_Go ahead Emil! You need to recover!_

**I-I think I'll save this for later…**

Emil, your wounds will only get worse if you don't eat it.

**But…**

_What's wrong Emil?_

**I-I… I'm sick of lemon gels!**

_W-What?_

**I'm sorry for yelling…**

Well, I guess that's a possibility from eating so many… [sweatdrop].

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Don't you think the characters would ever get SICK of eating the same gels OVER and OVER again? Exactly. Review and you'll get a cookie! =D


	12. Come on, you're a man! Part 2

Chapter 12. Here we go. Ever since the last chapter, I've been on an "item skit streak". (I mean seriously, with the life bottles, and the lottery gels, and the last chapter) So, I've decided to break away from that trend.

This plays after you've seen the skit "Come on, you're a man!" and you are escaping from the Cape Fortress with Lloyd. It also adds effect if you seen "Colette Confesses her Love". Genis is normal, Lloyd is **bold, **Colette is _italics, _Emil is underlined, and Marta is **bold and underlined.**

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Darn it! I still can't get Lloyd to talk to us!

Maybe it would be better to just let him be?

Argh!!! I can't live with that uncertainty though! Why isn't he explaining himself? Lloyd! [grabs Lloyd by the shoulder] Why aren't you talking to us?

…**I have my reasons…**

You're not going to get anywhere by muttering random stuff that doesn't even make any sense!

…

_I think Emil might have a point here… If Lloyd doesn't want to talk to us, then there must be a really good reason, right?_

But it doesn't help if he doesn't tell us the reason! Lloyd!

…**[mutters something inaudible]…**

What was that?

…**[repeats inaudible phrase]…**

_Come on, you're a man! Speak up!_

Colette, where did you hear that from?

_Marta. She says it works for Emil._

Occasionally, Marta would say that if I'm indecisive or afraid.

**[enters] What are you guys talking about?**

We were talking about your "Come on, you're a man! Speak up!" phrase…

**I thought I told you guys to stop telling people about that! Emil… [angry anime mark]**

[!!!] Umm… Genis did it! [leaves]

Bye Marta! [leaves]

**Get back here you two! [leaves]**

_What just happened?_

…

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And another chapter comes to a close. Review! NOW!


	13. Aster's Revenge

Okay guys, one more before I have to take a break. I'm pretty sure that I'm going to get attacked by rabid fan-girls if I don't include Ratatosk Emil in a skit…

This occurs when you're "side-questing" with Richter (You know what I mean). Emil is normal, Richter is **bold, **and Tenebrae is underlined.

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Richter?

**What is it?**

I've been meaning to ask you. Who said the phrase "Courage is the magic that turns dreams into reality."?

**Did Emil tell you that?**

He's been saying that phrase many times during the past few weeks. To be honest, it's been getting quite annoying.

T-Tenebrae! But it's such a good mantra…

That does NOT mean you must repeat it every time we go do something frightening for you.

I do?

**[aside] I bet Aster would be proud to know that that phrase has become very popular. I'll need to remind myself to tell him when I bring him back.**

But I must say, it's VERY annoying.

I can't be THAT annoying, can it? Well, now that you mention it, it IS a little cheesy…

Indee- [!!!]

[!!!] Ah!

**It's okay, the earthquake stopped.**

I wonder why that happened?

**Probably Aster turning over in his grave…**

What?

**Nothing.**

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Well, that was fun.


	14. Oblivious

And the long awaited Chapter 14 is here! I AM REALLY REALLY SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING FOR A MONTH. It has to do with homework, and computer time, and lots of other factors that I feel like complaining about. You guys rock if you still want to give reviews. …Okay… Hmm.. What should I write about today…

Suggestions are still open!!! Please submit your suggestions for skits in your reviews!!!

Disclaimer: Here's another idea I got from my sister. So, it's her idea. Almost. Everything else isn't mine. Except maybe scenario.

Anyway, this plays after you've seen "Like Best of All" and all of the other skits promoting the Emil/Colette thingy. Emil is normal, Tenebrae is _italics, _and Marta is **bold.**

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So Tenebrae, I'm only leaving the inn so I can go buy some apple gel- Oh no…

_Is something the matter Emil?_

It's M-Marta again! I know she's going to ask about whether I like Colette or her more! M-Maybe I can hide! [lightbulb]

_Too late. She saw you._

O-Oh no! Tenebrae, w-what should I do?

_Well, I doubt that you can outrun her at this point, so maybe you should-_

Hide?

_No, that wouldn't work either, because she already saw you…_

Hmmm…

_Maybe you could just talk to her?_

But you know how Marta can get on these kinds of things!

_Hmmm…_

Hmmm…

**[enters] Hey! Emil!**

Not now, Marta! Tenebrae and I are trying to figure out how to avoid you!

…**Okay… Well, I was just going to ask if…**

_Please come a different time Lady Marta… Emil and I are in deep thought…_

…**You guys are REALLY oblivious, aren't you? [leaves]**

_Well, we could- No, that wouldn't work… Well, I'm at a loss at what to do. How about you Emil?_

Maybe I could just tell her that I love- Hey? Where did she go?

_I don't see her anymore… Strange…_

Maybe she wasn't coming over to us.

_Apparently so._

…Let's go buy those gels now.

_Agreed._

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I'm SORRY for not updating. I'll try to remem- errr, try to finish my homework on time! Yeah! That's it! Schoolwork! I definitely didn't forget to update!


	15. Not Ratatosk Himself

Hmmm… Skit #15… What to put here… How about a guest appearance from RATATOSK EMIL! *insert fangirls here*

That's right. I'm putting him in now! In the story! Yes. In 5 more chapters. *insert rabid fangirl attack here*

Yeah… I didn't feel like putting him in for a while… That might lose me some popularity on … O.O

Okay, today, I'm going to answer one of my fan's story requests… Let's take a look over at my reviews…

Hey look! 10! I think I'll pick… eastercat's skit idea! Congratulations to eastercat for being the first reviewer to have an idea into a skit here! (Don't worry Rabid Original… You'll get your chance)

Disclaimer: The main story idea goes to eastercat. I wrote/typed/thought of the rest. Everything else belongs to somebody else, like Namco, or Twilight Scribe. Yay.

This skit occurs after failing to make a pact with 10 monsters. In a row. Emil is normal, Marta is **bold, **and Tenebrae is _italics._

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**Oh no! Not another one!**

Sorry guys… [sweatdrop] I tried my hardest…

**Oh, it's okay Emil! Really!**

_I'm starting to get worried about you Emil…_

Huh? Why?

_Knights of Ratatosk should NOT be failing this often at pacts…_

I'm sorry.

**How exactly was that supposed to help Tenebrae?!?**

_Sigh… At least you aren't Ratatosk himself…_

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Oh boy! I did it! Read and review! But the first part is kind of unnecessary since you've already read… o.0 So just review! =D


	16. Pain will only Last a Few Days

…Yeah… I know I haven't been updating lately… I blame school. And homework. I'm a busy guy! GEEZ.

Disclaimer: I don't own ANYTHING. …Except my conscience. And nachos.

This takes place right near the end when *SPOILER* everyone leaves the Ganungagap or something and there's only Ratatosk and Richter left. Ratatosk is normal, and Richter is **bold.**

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So, I'll be back in about a thousand years. Oh, and I wanted to ask you something that's been bothering me for a long time.

**Yes?**

Your Mystic Arte. Whenever you use it, you always say, "Pain will only last an instant."

**And?**

Well, when you hit me with it, it bruised my legs, gave me about 5 deep cuts over my body, caused internal bleeding, nearly killed me, and knocked my HP down to 1. That doesn't really sound like an "instant", does it?

**How long have you been thinking about this?**

Several days.

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Ta dah! It's done. Yeah. =D


	17. Life Bottles DON'T Solve Everything?

And the 17th C-Skit is Finally here! Muahahahahahahahahaha!!! …Okay. Anyway, I kind of owe Rabid Original one, since I promised to do his idea and I haven't done it yet. So, here it is.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. I think. The general story idea belongs to Rabid Original, but the evolution of it into a real story is MY idea. Sorta.

This plays anytime during the last chapter of the game. Or second to last, to those REALLY TECHNICAL PEOPLE. It kind of works out better if you seen those skits I was making about 6 chapters ago about the life bottles. Genis is normal, Emil is **bold**, and Raine is _italics._

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Hey Emil.

**Yes Genis?**

I was wondering about something.

**What?**

Well, isn't dying kinda anticlimactic by this point?

**Huh?**

Well, now that we have life bottles, whenever someone dies, they can just come back to life if they have a life bottle, right?

**Well, technically, yeah…**

I mean, it just doesn't make any sense anymore…

**Hey, here comes the professor. Maybe she can answer your questions! Raine!**

_[enters] Hmmm? What is it?_

Sis, is it possible that dying just isn't that impacting anymore because we have life bottles? If our enemies have this, and we have this, then why is everybody dying everywhere?

_Well, first of all, you have to realize 3 things. One of those is fairly obvious. We have a very strong advantage over our enemies. Friendship._

**Huh?**

_To use a life bottle, one must have someone nearby who is willing to use it on them. We have a strong bond with each other to do this on instinct._

I see…

_Number 2. Life bottles only recover a certain percentage of one's stamina. Because of this, it won't heal major life threatening injuries and such. That's half the reason why it is very inefficient to use._

**I never thought about that…**

_Three. Life bottles don't remove the pain the person went through to be dead in the first place. No matter what, they'll still remember how they died, and people who kill for revenge will still have a reason._

**W-wow Professor…**

Geez sis! I never knew that! How did you know all of that stuff?

_I read about it in a book while in college. Anyway, you both now have a 300 word essay to write about the subject. Good luck. [leaves]_

**Thanks Pr- …wait, what?**

I knew there was a catch somewhere… [squiggly line]

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And, it's done. Voila! R&R for digital cookies! Cause normal cookies are really cliché.


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